A cougar is a large wild cat that is secretive and mainly solitary by nature. It’s also been adopted as a term for older women that have sexual relationships with younger men.

And yeah, I have officially reached cougar status being a wild cat and an older woman that truly enjoys playing, seducing and being completely uninhibited and naughty with guys that pretty much have just started exploring their sexuality.

Is it an alarming fetish? No, I just love the game in all its forms – I always joke that I don’t discriminate regarding age or gender; everything from 17 to 70 has its place. Most people get it by just looking at me and the sexual energy that flows out of every pore of my skin like a waterfall of lust, pleasure and orgasm. I am writing articles to put this sexual force into something creative but to be honest, when I’m walking on the street, I actually look at every person and think so intensely of sex that a window of possibilities opens, which initiates a sexual connection between us whether they want and are prepared for it or not. That’s how much and often sex is on my mind and I have to really control myself most parts of the day to focus on something else.
I recently found out that someone I slept with last year turned out to be 17 at the time of our encounter. He told me he was 18.

I instantly told my cousin who then reassured me that the age of consent in the UK is 16 – so let’s actually rephrase my life motto – everything from 16 to 60 has its place. 70 was a bit of an exaggeration anyway, cringe.

The 17 year old (it said 18 in his profile, calm down!) was a tinder date and it was clear that we were meeting for one reason and one reason only. He was and still is a tall, extremely handsome, light-skinned Jamaican boy with freckles and an insane body. He told me he was a model (big surprise) and a of course still a student.

I had just moved to the UK, and thought he spoke a bit funny. I eventually found out that it was just street slang and a rather limited vocabulary. But it wasn’t smart conversation or life advice I was after so I blanked out everything else he said and focused on dat body instead. Sex with him was ok, it took him a surprisingly long time to come, as it just seems to be once some guys get into their head and give thoughts and pressure the lead. He didn’t go down on me and I found out that his friends were mainly Muslim and I know they think the vagina is something dirty so they don’t eat it. They also generally don’t want to please women too much as they still have their outdated patriarchal views on sexes and dread the idea of women becoming empowered and liberal.

Obviously Im not speaking for all Muslim men and I have had amazing Muslim lovers (hey Singaporean crew!), but to be very honest – they were not really religious after all either. Anyway, a few minus points for not giving his all and making me rather sore because he couldn’t come – besides that it was quite satisfactory. When we met again a year later and this time he was really 18, he’d already improved quite a bit and interestingly enough me too! I squirted like a motherfucker and that was because I had learned the amazing art of squirting in this year and his dick has just that perfect G-spot-stimulating shape! Im sure within a few years, some education, and a lot of experience later he’ll be an amazing lover. Top level.

Another boytoy story that is worth sharing is that of a Half Tunesian Half Polish “19-year-old” that chatted me up on the street a few months ago. I was on my way to another date in fact so I looked fresh and I was ready to play!

We crossed paths and all I saw were his amazing green eyes. Or maybe they ere blue? Just strikingly bright on that olive skin.

We stared at each other and I heard his friend pushing him and telling him to go talk to me. Hoping he would, I stopped and waited to see if he would listen to those very wise words. He did, good boy. We exchanged numbers and it didn’t take long until we met and hooked up.

Our first date was in Shoreditch and we got a bit tipsy and ended up in my bed. He is a football player and not exactly an intellectual but he makes up for it with that nice, hairless, muscular body, cute face (Im such a sucker for pretty faces) and them eyes. He was full of excitement and curiosity, yet he seemed relaxed and confident. I became the calm and wise wild cat, pawing at her prey in anticipation before she strikes. I often find that younger men are so excited and grateful to sleep with a woman that knows what she’s doing and is confident within herself that they appreciate you a lot more and that is always a good feeling.

Who is roxy…?
Me and “the 19 year old” as my friends started calling him, hooked up a few times and you know how it is if you become intimate with someone for a certain period of time. You start getting attached and I was well aware of that. The sex was not bad at all, but mainly because I was so attracted to him. I loved riding him because that’s how I came. He loved doggy because that’s how he came. We met again. And again. And I was starting to be in lust. I masturbated thinking about him and all that. It wasn’t until 5 or 6 weeks later I became aware that I hadn’t been with anyone else other than him and that was not good. Of course this was not going to go anywhere. Not only because of the age difference but the big cultural and intellectual gap between us. So I ended it mentally, stopped messaging and masturbating on and eventually got over him. Took maybe 4 days. Not too bad.
That’s one of the advantages of hooking up with younger guys – there will most likely never be any strings attached – you know it and they do too. They will probably try to convince you that they are special and more mature but deep down they know that no relationship could possibly come out of this. Well, maybe they actually don’t know that. They are kids after all and believe the weirdest shit…

In general, the connection with these boys would always be a lot more shallow than with older men, as they have so much less life experience – if they’re under 25 their brains are actually still developing. Which is a scary thought, especially considering what influence we cougars could have on their developing brains!

There are, however, exceptions to the rule. I was positively surprised when I had the most amazing sexual and mental connection with a 23-year old Tinder date, who even taught me quite a few things about the play and physical communication between men and women. Absolutely mind blowing. Blow was also part of this whole thing – so I don’t know how much the dopamine excess had to do with it.

He was a rather skinny and goofy guy. Very handsome face and mixed race with freckles and ginger hair. (You’re starting to get that I like freckles, aren’t you?) I could tell he was a bit nervous so we got drunk on espresso martinis and high on you know what. And then we started. Luckily, I had just received a large shipment of sex toys so we played around with different vibrators, the leash and collar, different positions and deep throating and deep talking too. I came so many times, my whole flat was wet. We were feeling proper sexual and so the sex was proper dirty and raw.

Dating men my age or older, especially men in their 30s or 40s is very different. Time is ticking and they often want a family and children and that gives the whole dynamic a sense of pressure and unease. Or a sense of meaning, if you of course, are ready. Unless and actually yes this is a big thing and to consider, they already are in relationships and have families. So the number is limited and good single men do become more rare.

Depending on what you are looking for, it can be the best feeling in the world having a real man and strong shoulders to lean on and arms to fall into. A man can understand you and give you the feeling that you’re being taken care of. You, for once, can let go of all control and responsibilities. If you find a man that is knowledgeable and wise and connected to his masculine and feminine power, he will satisfy not only your vagina but your mind and soul on all its levels. But you’ll be at risk of falling in love. You’ll also be at risk of having to work harder in bed as we all know testosterone is slowly but surely decreasing and his body might not be in the best shape anymore.

So to sum things up: A little bit of physical fun with a younger guy just to mix things up can’t be wrong, right? If two (or more) adult people are physically attracted to each other, are able to consent fully (let’s not start the argument f when people are capable of consenting), and the energy and circumstances feel good, what does age matter? I think once we open our minds and pussies to the possibilities of all sexual experiences, we can learn and grow through them. While we do so, and being the older partner we should never forget about the responsibility we have when being intimate with a younger person as we will have great influence on them and can either help them to learn and grow but also cause damage. Dan Savage’s Campsite Rule states that “the older or more experienced partner has the responsibility to leave the younger or less experienced partner in at least as good a state (emotionally and physically) as before the relationship.” I agree. It’s our responsibility to create better understanding of the other sex and of sex in general. Everything we teach our sex partners will be passed on to others and more and more people will connect to their sexuality and to each other.